Its 1.54am.

I'm absolutely exhausted.

I'm having a splitting headache.

I'm on the verge of gastric.

I'm continuously kicking myself mentally.

I've just returned from my first public performance at a charity ball.

I made a mistake during the performance.

My zipper was stuck. I couldn't change in time. I went out late. I was the only one who didn't make it.

My heart was in tears after that happened. It took so much more effort tto smile through the rest of the songs.

Argh.

My teacher gave me a hug and said that I did well. She thought I recovered fast and still managed to go in halfway through. "That's what a good dancer is supposed to be", she said.

But I'm thinking, A better dancer wouldn't have allowed such a situation to happen in the first place.

>.<

"Only when rules are thoroughly learned can they be thoroughly broken" - Victor Wooten.

Ok, the 1 thing i didn't realize on Friday when i blogged about the abstract was the fact that the study was accepted for an ORAL presentation =)

Orals are like one-ups as compared to poster presentations (which i thought the abstract would be). Orals have rooms provided, there's audience (hopefully), and there's the critique by the audience (assuming their presence in the first place). And yea...the team has been invited to speak about our research!  i think its the epitome of academics, the exchange of thoughts and ideas =)

Imagine leaders in the field gathering in one place. The intellectual energy there would be out of the world! =D

i think i need to start saving up...does Airasia fly to Antalya?

When i watched the first half of the video below, i was stunned. The thought that was so present in my mind was how wonderful our bodies are made, to be able to execute such coordinated and precise movements.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFver9WIfh8

Awesome, God! =D

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i can't believe that just 8 months ago, i was standing within 1 foot of this amazing couple but didn't realize that i was in the presence of dancing royalty.

i think Riccardo Cocchi and Yulia Zagoruychenko have really grown as a couple even though they have been dancing together for just a short while. Every performance they do is not only stagnant at a high level, but just gets better every time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1bt7CMOWFw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfmEW1HVG4Q&feature=fvw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSfVkb-kTX8&feature=related

Mark my words, i think they are going to be THE Latin couple in the next couple of years.

ABSTRACT HAS ACCEPTED TO THE WORLD CONFERENCE IN PSYCHOLOGY, IN TURKEY NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!

YAY!!!!!!

AMEN!!!!!! =D

I'm starting to realize how important shoes are to a dancer. Shoes with a good fit make very huge differences to how i am able to dance. Good shoes allow the dancer to 'grip the floor' and feels like it is a part of the dancer's feet. Good shoes also reduce chances of injury at the ankle and knee, and helps the dancer to execute certain moves better.  

Supadance is THE brand of dancing shoes. They have a history of a few hundred years.

Their shoes are masterpieces that come with a price. A very expensive price...

Their shoes are about 60 pounds per pair *gulp*

Till the day i can afford them...

My superego has been working overtime the past few weeks.

It is comforting to know that i'm learning to control and express my emotions in a positive way, but at the same time i'm horrified at the hypocrite i think i've become.

Its good that i do not act on impulse but actually sit back to observe before i make an overall evaluation of the situation. On the other hand, i think i've lost my spunk. i'm doing too much of 'stand back and watch' that i do not make spur of the moment decisions which could totally change things around instead of just waiting for things to pan out.

I've become passive *gasp* stupid girl...

Scenario example:

Scene #1: The shut up and dance.

i have a partner whom i honestly think can do with a little less talking and more dancing. i used to have a partner who didn't speak at all - see...be careful what you wish for...it might just come true in the weirdest way ever~. On one hand, he's not talking nonsense (i mean, if i dig a little deeper, i do think some are nonsensical), but i mean, he talks about how the dance steps we are doing should be, not what he ate for dinner last night lah.

Logically, this is good. But he nags. A lot. i don't think everything he says is correct. i clearly think some things he says are outright wrong. Like saying that my timing is out, when a 3rd person can verify that HE is the wrong one.

What did i do then? Did i put my foot down and say 'No, I'm correct; You are wrong'?

No. I just smiled and said 'Let's try again'.

It sometimes gets absurdly tiring to have a partner who thinks that you are forever having something lacking and every step you take needs change. This premise is based on his own opinions, which arguing against is equivalent to talking to a greek statue.

i'm kinda tired of wanting to start arguments knowing that it'll lead nowhere. His previous partner had crying bouts of arguments which not surprisingly ended in a failed attempt during competition. Why did i agree to dance with him again?

Sigh.

I believe in giving second chances. And i believe i can learn something out of this. Something OTHER than patience.

This man has got to be one of the most opinionated (read: egoistical) i've ever met.

But i appreciate the fact that he takes the time to practice and 'yuen jiu' the steps and share (read: impose) them with me. And i also appreciate the fact that tonight, he actually admitted that not everything he says is correct. Given his ego, i bet that was extremely difficult.

To give myself credit, i think i'm an extremely patient partner to have. i put up with a lot of nonsense with the hope that one day this person would come to his/her senses and realize that being outspoken has its limitations and that respect for other people's boundaries is as important as it is to state one's right to his/her opinions.

Hence the hypocritical part. My superego has certain cracks. Very few things leave a dent in it, but when the correct nerve is struck, all hell breaks loose.

i'm a control freak. i admit it. i give in, but never in all. This is part of what made me the person i am today. My focus, my discipline, my concentration, all stems from my ability to control.

So, when my partner pointed out that another of my weakness was that i kept controlling his movement, he struck a nerve big time.

Yea...i lost control because of control issues. How oxymoronic.

My ego would have immediately looked him in the eye, told him he is the over-controlling one, and walk out of the room.

But no, thank goodness my superego kicked in. Yes, my blood pressure shot up, yes, my face went red, yes, my heartbeat increased dramatically, and yes, i couldn't stop the subtle movement of both my hands from hanging loosely at my side to being clenched at the waist. But, i bit my tongue...literally. i knew that if i opened my mouth, i would regret.

So, being a picture of (somewhat) calm, i continued dancing with him for a good 10 minutes or so, taking in more verbal comments which in my mind, had entered the grey area between criticism and abuse.

We remained cordial, we chatted after practice, then we went home.

And the moment i got away from him, all i wanted to do was come here and RANT!!!

Yes. Hypocrite I am. So much for the masked patience...i would do so well at masquerades...

i've been wanting a Sony W595 for the longest time. i like its moderate features, a little more than usual but not too much. i like its sleek feel and am very comfortable with Sony phones. Sigh. i've been oogling this phone since before its release, but can never seem to save enough and have the heart to take out one lump sum to buy this new phone =S

The new Sakura edition is the prettiest thing ever...

Argh. Temptation.

When you Google 'Google', you get Google =)

All the time i think =)

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The last 2 days have been relatively less busy compared to the last 2 weeks. i had little pockets of time to ruminate about life and every thought kept coming back to how thankful and blessed i am for everything and everyone that i have around me.

It seems that in every situation that is meaningful to me, God has placed a strong prominent person for me to look up to and learn from. The attraction is mutual. i'd like to think that i'm contributing to these people's lives as much as they are to mine. So, i do take extra effort to care for them; not because i want them to continue giving me what they have been giving, but as a token of my appreciation for them always being there for me, even they might not realize how big of an impact they have on me.

i love them. i really do. and everytime i see them, i feel very grateful for their presence.

At work, i have someone who places me on the moral and ethical highway, forever reminding me of the struggles of people who uphold right. She trusts me with freedom at work and believes in my judgment. More importantly, she believes in me and my potential way beyond what i expect of myself. She never fails to remind me of my strengths and yet at the same time tells my weaknesses into my face. i appreciate her honesty very much. At the same time, regardless of her status, she comes to me to seek advice and exchange thoughts. We share our lives during lunches and keep each other going in times when we both feel insecure about right and wrong. We pray together, entrusting our hopes and plans in Him, and we are very grateful for our fellowship and sisterly bond even though we are at very different stages of life. i guess the fact that i appreciate most about our relationship is our ability to comfortably switch between roles of superior-subordinate, mentor-mentee, sisters in Christ, friends, and confidants. We intuitively realize the boundaries of each role and responsibly hold back when the other is in charge. Who says multiple relationships never work out? =)

At the studio, i have someone who brings out the most beautiful part of me in dance. He sees things in me that i can't and never fails to reaffirm my doubts. He allays any fear and insecurity of mine at being the most inexperienced dancer of the group. He also makes me feel as though i'm the most elegant creature on earth and that i can dance with everyone watching yet not have a care in the world. He makes time to answer my endless inquisitions and patiently waits while i unload my befuddled thoughts upon him. At the same time, he is willing to listen and accept my lowly opinion about his own dance (and he has been dancing for 10 years!). He also readily acknowledges his weaknesses in front of me, and i really appreciate his courage and trust in me for that. Thought he has been dancing for so long, he never stops thinking and relearning each basic step as though it was his first. i don't think he knows how much he inspires me in dance =) We share our lives too, our thoughts about life, our joys and fears, and i guess that's what cements the trust between us in and outside of the dance floor. Again, we play multiple roles, teacher-student, teacher-teaching assistant, partners, friends, yet they all work out fine.

i guess i will always be amazed at how love and respect can overcome situations which 'can never work out'. i think there is a catch though; that one needs to learn and earn enough maturity to be able to receive such insights. With that insight then comes the pure joy and happiness that awaits beyond the obstacles of clearly drawn yet imaginary lines which we human place to protect ourselves, knowing not that they also hinder us from everything beyond that boundary.

...ok...i think i'm starting to sound shakespear-ean, so i shall leave it at that =)