I've been torturing myself. Tormenting my brain. Supressing my feelings. Enduring pain.

WHAT is my problem anyway? I went for my PAL session this afternoon. I thought I could finally let go of stuff that I'm not suppose to be holding on to. We had a long talk about my expectations. We talked about relationships. We talked about group dynamics. We talked about handling other people. I managed to stump the counselor. But in the end, what he pointed out was true; it does not matter how things are done, or even if they HAVE been done. What mattered most was how I feel about myself. I walked out of the counseling room leaving behind 10kg of weights. I was uplifted.

I was late for class; but it didn't bother me. The lecturer was annoying as usual; but it didn't bother me. We had groupwork again, which I hate; but it didn't bother me. My ears were insulted with grammatical errors and bad pronounciation; but it didn't bother me. I didn't agree with the work we produced for the groupwork; but it didn't bother me.

NOTHING bothered me...until I got my Psych 1 assignment report through email 10 minutes ago. It's supposed to be handed up tomorrow. I dealt with the tabulating of data, and my group members came up with the report. I felt as though a 1000 tonne weight just crashed down. My Psych 1 research paper is at stake. I don't understand this. My expectations are so low that I can't limbo under them. But the standard of the report...my dear  God...I can't express how frustrated I am right now. I'm exasperated. I'm at my wits end. I'm tired. I'm sick. I'm disappointed. I'm on the verge of giving up.

I hate this. It's not me. Why am I feeling this way?