God sets the time for sorrow and the time for joy,

the time for mourning and the time for dancing...

God sets the time for finding and the time for losing,

the time for saving and the time for throwing away,

the time for tearing and the time for mending,

the time for silence and the time for talk

God sets the time for love and the time for hate,

the time for war and the time for peace.

God has set the right time for everything.

I can't even start to explain how bored I feel right now. I hope it's PMS, coz PMS goes away. Or maybe this is just how I feel every weekend that I'm at home.

I have things to do, but I just don't feel like doing. I can go places but I just don't feel like going. Caught in a rut I suppose. Climb up! Climb up! Get out of it!

Fuh...I suppose it's really tough to continue doing things that I don't want. Although I consciously try to put effort in it, unconsciously, I still hate it, and it affects the way I think about it and how I feel about it. I tend to accidently forget things that I don't like. Things change..things change...I just need time to get used to it. Life is never filled with everything I want. It'll be too boring if it were that way. I know things will work out. I just have to trust and believe that it will.

But for now, I feel like screaming.

Some garnishes are not meant to be eaten...

...some words are not meant to be spoken...

...some essays are not meant to be written.

...???...

I kinda sound like a frog today. No amount of throat clearing makes it better. Heck..I can't even sing my favourite songs today. Hahaha...I'm spoilling the songs! Silence therapy worked a little I guess. No more swallowing sand sensation in the throat.

That 1500 word paper is hanging over my head like a 1500 tonne weight waiting to fall. Can't start! Don't know how to. Everything is like that isn't it? The first step is always the toughest. There's always the hesitation to walk out and start to do something. Can plan and foresee the end, but to really take the first step needs a lot of pushing. No one to push me, so, just gotta push myself I suppose.

Sometimes I wish there's someone here always who knows everything about me, and more. Nah...I'm not wishing for a boyfriend. That comes when it comes. I mean, you know the phrase 'independant woman'...and I would pride myself to be one, maybe because I'm too used to not having someone to lean on. But like everyone else, there will be times when I need hugs or someone to give reassurance...someone to tell me 'it's OK', someone to be there, not necessary to talk much, just be there when I need company.

...tough...

OK...so, I suppose not talking is very difficult after all.

Yesterday, I slept early. And woke up at 2am to study for my quiz. My throat was so bad that I just didn't feel like talking at all...well, not that there was anyone to talk to anyway...heh...just felt like I swallowed silvers of glass or something. So, when I woke up this morning, I sort-of told myself not to talk too much today. Which of course, as usual, I did not follow what I decided...

In Psych 1, I think my lecturer just wished he could clobber me. I was asking and prodding almost half of the time, which I don't usually do. I don't know. Just felt like talking this morning. As a result, we sat for a full 4 hour class in a freezing (I mean it) classroom, when we would normally be dismissed after 2 hours or so. I was sitting under the air-cond. Fuh...at the end of the lesson, there was a quiz. It wasn't me wanting to score in the quiz, because it became, 'Buck up and finish it so I can get out!!!'

And then, during meetings, of course, talk la...haha...what else can be done?

I have a 1500 word paper due on Monday. I'm waiting for 'inspiration' to write.

Its funny how I can just go on procrastinating. Some things are just 'not meant to be done' in my opinion. Sometimes, I just hate it so much that it gets forgotten along the way. Sometimes, I know it has to be done, but I'm just waiting for the last possible moment to start doing it. And sometimes...I can't bring myself to do it...because I'm scared of what might come out as a result...

Everything that happens is a sign of something for me...or at least for now... 
Sick = take a break.
Losing my voice = talked too much.
Can't go back home for the weekend = finish that 1500 word paper
Out of gas = cook too much...(??) Haha...

I've always believed in planning as far ahead as possible...with a fair share of exceptions of course. As the Malay saying goes, 'Kita hanya merancang, Tuhan yang menentukan'. I suppose the most important thing is to have faith and trust that all things would happen when the time comes and that everything happens for a reason or as a consequence. But sometimes, it's confusing isn't it?? People might say, 'Its right in front of you! How can you not see??' And then we wonder...'If that was meant for me, I would have seen it wouldn't I??' But then again, maybe we missed it, so someone was sent to point it out. :-S Haha...when it comes, it comes...when it comes...it comes...

Quote from my sis:

'Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love, because, you don't force yourself to fall; you just fall.'

How true. So.....when am I going to start falling in love with my studies???

P/S: Big hugz for those concerned about my health. Fever is going away. Just stucked with a nasty sore throat. Will see a doctor if it doesn't go away over the weekend. Pray for me...hope it's not dengue.

Imagine waking up in the morning feeling as though cotton got stuck up in the nose, someone poured hot chilli oil down the throat, and turned up the body heat another notch.

URGH!!!!!!

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When thy stove runs out of gas, thy shalt get creative with the rice cooker.

The kettle in the house is now at some kilang getting repaired. The stove ran out of gas. How to boil water?? Rice cooker la...I started boiling a full pot of water. By the time it finished boiling, only half a pot was left....coz the 'cook' button doesn't jump to 'heat' button when it boils. So, it just keept on boiling and boiling and boiling and boiling...til I discovered that only half a pot is left.

I felt like sod today.

We watched 'The West Wing' during ILC this morning. It was the special episode that was aired just after 9/11. It was definately educational, although it was only a drama. Enjoyed it. Some parts stabbed my heart through and through. It's about biasness and our slanted perception that we don't even notice.

In the afternoon, Psych 1 class almost made my brain choke with confusion. We were repeating what we've learnt for the past 3 weeks...which no one seemed to catch. Frustrating. I was in no mood to listen. Was rolling my eyes most of the time. My throat hurted, so I kept sucking on Hacks.

Even cooking dinner was tiring. Dinner was : Porridge + century egg + tuna + braised beans, all mixed into 1 pot.

Wa...I just realised something...because I walked and stood a while in the sun yesterday while waiting for my boss to come out of the graduation hall, there's now a beautiful line on my shoulder...on the inner part, the skin is fairer, and on the outer, it's much much darker! Who'd have expected to get sunburn during a convocation anyway??

OK. I can't think of anything to do right now, so, let's talk about...ME.

Trivia:

I was so allergic to small particles when I was young, to the extent that I never had carpets in my house til I was 17. I had a blue bird. Er..not a bluebird, it's a blue coloured bird. I'd sneeze if I stay near it for too long.

I have hamster-o-phobia. I read books about taming hamsters. They said that if I put my hand into the cage for the hamsters to get familiar with, they would allow me to pick them up. The hamsters I had would always bite 2 holes in my fingers when I wana pet them. There was once when I put my hand into the cage, it bit me, I pulled my hand out too fast for the hamster to let go, and it got flung backwards. It survived the 2 second airborne flight+landing.

I realised that I never really really learnt how to play and menghayati the piano(or so I thought) until I was in Grade 6 = 6 years after I started learning. Ironically, I failed my Grade 6 exam.

My arms are extra flexible. When we were learning self-defence for Taekwondo, my instructor twisted my arm backwards like a police always does to the criminal on tv. I was suppose to cringe and yell, but I didn't feel anything.

DUDZY (sic. (c)WinnieCWL) =  adjective. combination of the following feelings: boredness, laziness, impatience, tiredness, 'sien'ness, restlessness, simple-mindedness, forgetfulness, frustration, etc. resulting in a need to express oneself by the action of screaming. Very loudly. Often caused by uncircumstantial and inconvenient situations. Eg, when you have a 9am-11am duty, class at 11am-1pm, and duty again at 1-2.30pm...and your lecturer cancels the class.
Other examples include having nothing useful to do when you are stuck at the office, realising you have no more clothes to wear coz you haven't washed clothes for a week, having people who don't reply emails, having positions you don't like, and also thinking of a 9am class the next day.

I suppose that explains most of my day today. Oh...made a trip to Mandarin Oriental to see the place for prom. Nice ballroom, but that's the only thing I liked about it. Sorry la jie jie...I know you had your Intiball there, but...er...heh~! =P How was the food?

Had a craving for ice coffee...during dinnertime...and I gave in...so, I suppose I won't be sleeping much tonight. Good also...can study. I don't know why, but having only 2 subjects for 2 sems in a row is really really making me lazy and letting my mind wander... Can't catch hold of Psych 1. The lecturer focuses so much on application 'because I'm an applied psychologist'. These psych people can never get their facts straight. Each book says something else about the same thing. Hokkien people would say, 'you catch no ball'...meaning, cannot tangkap the essence of something. ILC...is...hm.........the subject is just so dry. Cannot tahan...really cannot. I feel bad, coz the lecturer is so enthusiastic, but everytime I enter that class, I'll be counting the seconds till the class ends. Urgh...writing academic papers is just...dudzy...

Check this out: http://www.atgig.com/VeNuThOmAs/cn.html I love it =)

Dinner ---> poached fresh mushrooms tossed in hoisin sauce with a sprinkle of 'he bee hiam'.

Ah.......today was.........interesting...........

As predicted, my muscle ache was much worse today. I just felt like lying in bed the whole day, but had to get up. I went to UPM. Expected to be home by 1pm. The convocation ceremony lasted much longer. Then, there was a mixup with keys involved. By the time we finally left the gates of UPM, it was 1.34pm, and my friend was suppose to pick me up at 2pm to go to KLCC for the MPO concert. Fuh...like it always is, the moment you are late for something, all the traffic lights turn red, will only allow a maximum of 3 cars to pass when it turns green, and everywhere is jammed.

Wa...I swear I'll never run in heels again for as long as I live. I don't even care if I'm late for my wedding. It's torturing my feet.

We were almost late, but not. The MPO concert was great. =) Very interesting. I got the best seat..heh... They projected silent films on screen, and the orchestra accompanied the film. Nice... 

Alang-alang menyeluk pekasam, biar sampai ke pangkal lengan; alang-alang dah ada kat KLCC, biar 'sun pian' tengok movie. =P But that was exactly what we did. Went for a quick dinner. (no wonder I was so hungry...I just realised that I've been waiting and running around since 9.30am and didn't have much to eat after breakfast. That's why dinner tasted so nice...) Watched 'Flight Plan' (Rancangan Penerbangan = sorry la...can't blame the Malay subtitles; it's grammatically right). Good movie with lotsa unexpected twists.