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WINNIE
25TH January 1987
Dreamer. Learner. Teacher. Dancer. Researcher. Reader. Seeker. Idealist. Perfectionist.


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Food I think of

Dark chocolate
Mum's lor bak
Roast duck
Cheese cakes
Stir-fried petai
Nasi Bryani
Sashimi
Lamb chops
Nigiri sushi
Cendol
"Sa khe ma"
Watermelon
Black pepper crab
Lemon meringue pie
Vietnamese spring rolls
Dried pork
Kangkung belacan
Asam laksa
Peanut butter, chocolate & caramel ice cream
Roti jala
Ondeh-ondeh
Green bean & barley soup
Half boiled eggs
Durian
Purple spinach soup
Sago pudding
Mutton curry
Frozen yoghurt
Kuey teow kia
Keropok lekor

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Saturday, October 22, 2005
ER...

I feel a little dumb...

I was sitting in front of the laptop, brushing my hair. (sounds dumb enough? wait..it gets better...)

My laptop lags a little, so when I click on a programme, it takes like...30 seconds for it to react and open. Sometimes, it just decides to hang altogether, and the programme won't open no matter how many times I click it.

Just now was one of the 'sometimes'.

I clicked on IE, and brushed my hair while waiting for it to open. It took a long while. In between deciding whether it's lagging or hanging (while still brushing), my roommate opened the door and walked in.

And so...

she saw me brushing my hair, staring at the screen of my laptop with a pink flowery background.


She must be thinking what a weird roommate she has...coz she left the room in less than 5 seconds.


Posted at 12:45 pm by wei_ling
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CHRONICLES OF MAGAZINES

My housemates had a steamboat dinner just now. We all ate out of two rice cookers. Haha...had fun =)


I was reading a magazine after dinner. Typical women's magazine. There were samples of perfume in the magazine. Heard of True Star by Beyonce? She now has True Star Men as well (??) Anyway, my nose is kinda picky about perfumes and stuff that smells. I rarely find scents that I really like. I happen to think that True Star is ok...don't really like it, but nothing to hate either. True Star Men was a little strong and it went right up to my brain. Yaya...it's not meant for me anyway...haha... I just noticed that afer a while...when both the scents got tangled up with each other...it actually smells...nice... oh well...maybe that's the purpose eh?

I think I've go to update myself a little more. Everyone has heard of highlights in the hair right? Did you know there's such a thing called lowlights? Er...I didn't. Heh...it's the opposite of highlights la...obviously...literally and physically. Highlights would contrast the original hair colour. Lowlights blend in subtlely. Hey...that's something nice to try out...~ I'd never highlight my hair. Not anytime soon anyway. Can't imagine!

There were some interesting articles in the magazine too. Like...interperating 'men's thoughts and actions' and 'what men actually mean when they say/do...' Haha...some of them are really amusing. One of the articles spoke about 'what every man wants to do before he settles down'. Somewhere in between, there's this sentence...
"...men observe relationship reluctance from an early age....has manifested itself in decades of jokes such as " my wife ran off with my best friend and gee I miss him" "

Hahaha! Isn't this stereotyping?? I mean, these magazines basically puts that kind of picture of men into women's minds. Is it true? Like those 'When he looks into your eyes, he's actually...' and 'When he doesn't answer your questions immediately, he's actually...' kind of trivia. I don't really think so~ Some men can be more complicated as women. And I haven't met any that fits the bill of those stereotypes.

Which got me thinking...what kind of stuff are in MEN's magazines then? 'When a girl twirls her hair, she's actually...' 'When she laughs at everything you say, she's actually...' 'When she gives you a tie for your birthday, she actually...' ??

Hm................

Posted at 12:10 am by wei_ling
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Thursday, October 20, 2005
EXAM STRESS??

I don't know what happened to me last night. I woke up at 12+am, and studied till about 3am, woke up again at 8am and studied till about 1pm. Talk about last minute studying. I wasn't freaking out or anything, but I have to admit, I was jittery and jumpy. Tough. It's the first time I felt this way. Well...it's the first time I actually studied according to the syllabus and not wait till the last minute. I felt as if I already knew everything, but at the same time, I knew there was something missing that I could not place my finger on.

Aiyoh...the whole morning was torture. It was raining and cold outside also.

When the exam started, I realised that I needed an eraser (which I didn't bring). There were MCQ's and instead of writing the answer in the answer booklet, we were provided  with the MCQ answer sheet to shade the correct choice. And so begin the nightmare. I didn't shade the answers that I wasn't 100% sure of till the last minute. After going through the MCQ questions for the first round, I happened to glance at the MCQ answer sheet. At the top, there was a sentence which said,

Please make sure the answer is shaded correspond to your quesiton number!


?? Aiyoyo...

The MCQ was ok...but kinda tough too. There was a simple question, but the answer made my brain do a double take.
Question: What is the difference between a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist?
Correct answer = A Psychiatrist needs a Medical Degree.
Closest answer given in the exam: A Psychiatry is are Medical Doctor.

Hahaha...No offense to anyone, but this is really funny!!!

Anyway, that aside, the short answer part nearly made me cry. When giving tips for the exams, my lecturer specifically told us to study the Schools of Thoughts of Psychology. They are used to explain human behavior. The questions in that section had nothing to do with them. Not even half of them. The question that came out was about Methodology, but the whole question sounded so much like it was asking for the Schools of Thoughts. It made me wonder if the lecturer was mistaken, or was he actually trying to trick us or something...

There were 6 questions in that section. We had to choose and answer 4. I did 5 just in case.

Never mind...it's over~

OK...I think I've got to seriously get a life. I'm sitting here after my first nightmare is over, blogging in front of a computer, thinking of a fund-raising project. How more weird can someone be?? Shouldn't I be semi-celebrating somewhere or doing something 'normal' like watching VCD's or soap dramas or reading comics or..I don't know...haha! Weirdo~

I wanted to watch some TV, but every channel today is about...Datin Seri Endon's demise. God bless her. It was shocking to receive an SMS early in the morning from the Guides HQ saying that she has returned to God's side at 7.55am today. Unexpected.

Hm...I'm going to do some reading.

Posted at 7:53 pm by wei_ling
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CHOCOLATE & ICE CREAM

Hm...I found out today that I'm not the only person who turns to chocolate ice cream when something goes wrong. Well...not really when something goes wrong, but when it feels...not so nice.

Chocolate and ice cream makes us feel a little better. The pleasure of sensation blocks out the bad feelings I suppose.

Chocolate ice cream is so pleasurable isn't it? Ah...sinful...haha...but it's alright to pamper the self once in a while =)

Posted at 2:22 am by wei_ling
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SLEEPY............

I'm wide awake now. And being eaten alive by mosquitos. Someday I'm going to start a research on mosquitos. Alter their DNA or something so that they'll live on something else other than my blood. I'm donating blood to mosquitos.

My sleeping pattern is a little weird these days. I'd come home, sleep early, and wake up in the middle of the night to study or online. Not sure if its good or bad. Bad maybe. I was reading Psych just now coz my final exam is tomorrow...er...later. Next thing I knew, I woke up with my head on the book. Wa...I can't believe this. My final exam is in 13hours and 54 minutes time. And I'm still not panicking.

THis morning, I even went to Sekolah Sri Sedaya with a group of friends to collect donations for the Pakistan Earthquake fund. Crazy...what was I thinking anyway? Aren't I suppose to be studying?? Well, actually, I DID consider not going, but I needed er...water.

Oh...did I mention that my house's taps are all dry? Fuh...I really cannot live without water. I'm not obsessed with cleanliness, but I just cannot stand not having water. It's so...inconvenient. The water supply came this morning, but the water was murky and brownish. Yuck...seriously yuck. So, one of my missions of going to college today is to get water for drinking and also to bath. Ah...it felt so good. Sambil menyelam minum air~ I DID manage to finish 2 chapters of studying there, and it was so comfortable with the air cond. Didn't want to come home. Hmph...suddenly feel grateful for clean waer supply.

I skipped pasar malam tonight. Raining. Again. It ALWAYS rains on Wednesday evenings. I don't know why. I'm suppose to study. No...I HAVE to study...NOW.

Posted at 12:50 am by wei_ling
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Tuesday, October 18, 2005
THE WOES OF ENGLISH

My previous post only serves to make more sense of whatever I'm going to say next.

Y'know, it's not often that I'd actually be anticipating to watch a tv show here. Normally, I'd just watch what comes along. But today is Tuesday night, and Desperate Housewives is showing. I went to sleep at 7pm just now and was so happy that I automatically woke at 10pm, coz I can watch Joey, and then Desperate Housewives at 10.30. So, I went downstairs, happily planning to eat some more choc sundae in between. But hor...I discovered that my housemates were eagerly waiting to watch a horror movie...in Japanese. When it started at 10.17pm (Don't ask why so weird timing, ntv7 wanted it), they were complaining about the subtitles. The English and Mandarin characters were being covered by another layer of Malay subtitles (typical of Malaysian shows huh?). After about 3 minutes of listening to them and the actors garble in a language I can't understand, I came up here to blog because I couldn't watch my fav show that I've been waiting for a week to watch.

Hm...anyway, today, in my last Psych 1 class, we were talking about intelligence. My lecturer was trying to explain that people with high IQ are not necessarily smart. It's a misconception. Same like how we think that Caucasians 'must be smart' because they can speak perfect English. It's just a stereotype in our society. Most people think that big company CEO's must be very 'keng' because they hire 'ang-mohs' to do it. And he asked the almighty question, 'Caucasians are smarter just because they speak better English. Is it true?' He looked at me and I said...'Well, sometimes...' with a grin. I was going to draw him into a 'You-can't-deny-that-Caucasians-ARE-smarter-than-Asians-in-some-aspects. What-a-12-year-old-kid-in-US-can-do-academically,-an-average-12-year-old-kid-here-can't. Maybe-it's-because-they-have-a-better-grasp-of-the-language' argument, but then...never mind la...I already know that's not his point anyway...heh...

I came back, checked my email, and found what my cousin sent me amusing. I soon realised that bad language bothered me...a lot...and I've been grousing a lot lately about it too. I remembered an incident a few weeks ago. I was sitting in the office with two of my friends. One of them was complaining that a company he called did not send a fax over, as promised.

His exact words were,

'I call them already, but they never fax back us also...'.


My brain wanted to piece together a sentence which carried the meaning of call-them-to-ask-why-there's-no-fax. And the three (er...five??) words that came out of my mouth was

'Aiya...call back them la...'


Instantly, my other friend looked at me weirdly and rolled his eyes. He can't stand this kind of English either. Haha...I laughed and corrected my ownself, 'Call them back...call them back...!' Hahaha! I'm laughing at myself now that I think back of the whole incident.

I realised that I'm capable of two (or maybe more...) language styles in English. One is the nice and proper kind which I speak to very few people. But in fact, I'm actually more comfortable with it. Another is the Mandarin / Cantonese --> English direct translation kind, which is more common with most of my friends. But sometimes, I just feel like I'm polluting the language with those kind of words and grammar. I would find myself automatically rolling my eyes sometimes, after I talk. But it doesn't make sense to speak all prim and proper to people if they can't understand it right? Masuk kandang kambing mengembek, masuk kandang kerbau menguak la...

I soon realised also, that my level of English might be deteriorating because of these instances. Bad...coz my language has been something that I pride myself on since a long time ago. Maybe that's why I cannot stand lecturers who can't speak properly. They piss me off more than the subject itself.

Anyway, the point of it is...I'm complaining here because I can't stand watching a movie in a language I don't understand lousily translated into a language I DO understand. I miss Desperate Housewives...

Posted at 11:22 pm by wei_ling
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LOVELY ENGLISH

I got this email from my cousin...haha...thanks, Edmund. Made me laugh till I almost cried. =)

'tenjewberrymuds'


To get the full effect, this message should be read out loud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds'

means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2005.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor

sunteen??"


G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them?

Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know

what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."


RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow

Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."

G: "You're very welcome."


Posted at 10:36 pm by wei_ling
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Monday, October 17, 2005
BRAKES AND ACCELERATORS

I totally hit the brakes last week. Full stop. I felt split into two. On one side, everything seemed to zoom past me, but on the other side, I felt that no thing and no one could keep up with me. I was frustrated. I took some things too seriously. And I neglected the rest. Tough~

On Thursday, after talking to a counselor, I was shaking my head in disbelieve. I had a hard time comprehending that what I thought was best for the rest and me was the thing that was making me sink into such problems. My own beliefs had to be changed. I didn't know how to make myself feel better. I didn't know what to change. For once, I was yearing for someone to tell me what to do because I didn't know what to do. I really hit the brakes and let everything else fly pass.

Someone hit the accelerator for me the very next day. Sometimes, I really don't know how I would exist here if not for some of my friends. One of them is truly special. He's the brother I never had. He knows what's best for me when I don't know it, and although at that moment I will rebel, I'll also realise later that it was the best option at the moment. He's also the only one who has dared to tell me to do something and I'd obey...because I trust him. Well, that was not the first time he hit the accelerator for me, but this one was the most significant so far. It made me think a lot. Well, there's nothing I can do to repay except to pray for him.

The next thing I know, someone else hit the brakes. The whole scenario is not as easy as it seems. 2 people hit the brakes at the same time. One of them seems to think that the other is the problem. Another...well...I'm not sure. It was then that I realised that although other people were in the process of hitting the brakes, they could still help to hit the accelerator for other people. How strong they are to be able to do that.

One thing that struck my heart was that people who seem close to each other are actually farther apart than they appear to be. If only we could sit down and be truly honest with one another...we would be able to solve what's bugging our inner most conscience. And be better friends and teammates.

Well...that's always something to work towards to. =)

Posted at 10:28 pm by wei_ling
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MOOD SWINGS UP UP AND opps...

Well...the little 'confession' yesterday worked. (or was it the choc sundae...hm...??)

I didn't wana get out of bed today. It felt too comfortable. But after I DID get up, everything felt much much better. Sounds lame, but I was actually feeling happy again. After cooking a turkey omelette for lunch, I happily went to college. The office was cold and quiet, but it didn't matter. Haha...for once, I was really...I don't know. Carefree. Someone said I changed my hairstyle and it looked good. (I didn't). Another friend said I looked different, new shirt? (No...I can't even count the amount of times I've worn that shirt to college). Weird huh? Feeling nice on the inside can change me that much on the outside? I don't believe it... Before I came back, another person said I was very sociable and happy today. (I was socia- what??)

Nothing much bothered me today. I had a test for ILC. The question was crap, but I really didn't expect the crap to be that crappy. I couldn't even understand the question, much less try to answer it. Hello...this is English, mind you. But lecturers don't have the liberty of setting questions regarding stuff they never taught ok? I actually glared at the lecturer when 3/4 of the class asked her what that question meant. Those people can barely piece a sentence with no grammatical or spelling errors. It's like asking a 3 year old to define E=MC2. Anyway, I didn't care much about it. I managed to fill up one whole page of foolscap paper with haphazard points, and handed up the paper 45 minutes before time was up.

I'm still happy. =) Hope I stay this way.

Posted at 8:31 pm by wei_ling
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Sunday, October 16, 2005
LESSON FROM CHOCOLATE SUNDAE

                                                        

Today was the first time I went to Giant and came back with a bill that was less than 20 bucks. =) Hehe...I didn't go to get anything in particular anyway, I just wanted a walk, and it was nice and windy outside. I decided to...treat myself to lovely ice cream. Well, it's nothing like the one in the pic, that's just to make your saliva run...

Mine comes in a 500ml tub. Not those RM 9.99 premium stuff either...I'll be broke. I wanted to get Vienietta, but they only had vanilla. I can't pick vanilla when there are other chocolate ones around. I can't resist chocolate. So, I got choc sundae. I imagined smooth creamy vanilla ice cream with lots and lots of sticky bitter chocolate

When I opened the tub, yups...everything was there...the vanilla ice cream, and the chocolate topping...but there was so little of the chocolate and so much vanilla =( I had only 1 scoop in the afternoon (I wanted more of coz)  because...I went to jalan-jalan cari nothing-in-particular after I got the ice cream, and it was half melted by the time I got back.

Disappointed I suppose...out of the whole tub, only the top had choc, and I could see that the sides of the tub had some smatterings of choc here and there. In the middle was pure vanilla...it's not like the usual choc chip ice cream which has streaks of choc in the middle. I had a feeling that I'd be eating only vanilla ice cream...

Just 10 minutes ago, 4 hours after my 'dinner' (turkey meat + bamboo shoot in tomato sauce + macaroni...delicious!) I just decided to open the tub and ate from it straight while reading this really nice book (I'll talk about it later). I started scooping a tunnel down one side (I don't know why, I've always taken ice cream this way). And the deeper I dug, the more chocolate I discovered! =) Right at the very base of the tub, there's a layer of at least .5cm of pure dark bitter choc. Waaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh..................... satisfied! Happy =) Haha...not very difficult to make me happy huh?

THe moral of the story;
Don't think there's not enough chocolate in chocolate sundae before you dig to the very bottom of the tub!!! (open to your own interpretation)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zè book zát I vâs reading...is called 'To Bend Without Breaking'. On stress and how to deal with it. I'm extremely lousy at that. I can tell myself repeatedly to 'Don't sweat the small stuff. It doesn't matter.' I suppose my brain needs to learn how to define 'small stuff' a little better.

Hm...I suddenly realised something...since I ditched Guides some time ago, there's no one thing where I felt as though I was truly doing something joyful and enjoyful with my life. And I lost a huge circle of my social life too because I shut out the very people I socialised with for the past 7 years before.

And I lost music as a way of expressing myself as well. No more banging the piano in the middle of the day. No more staying back after school just to play caklempong. No more skipping classes to perform gamelan. No more dancing Taerobics to extra fast tunes. No more trying to run away from playing the school song and patriotic songs every Monday during assembly. No more singing the 'latest' R&B tunes in the music room. No more comparing ABRSM exam songs after music classes. No more panicking when a sight reading piece is in front of me. It's been about 2 years. Now that I think back, the moments I enjoyed most was performing with my friends...don't care how out of tuned we sounded.

Well...things have changed. I have yet to change. I have yet to move on.

Fuh...ok...confessions of a Psych student. Next up, convictions of a Psych student.

I will change. I will try. No matter how hard it is. No matter how many times I have to fall into exasperation stages before I succeed. I want to change.

Posted at 9:01 pm by wei_ling
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