Feminism is a diverse collection of social theories, political movements, and moral philosophies, largely motivated by or concerning the experiences of women, especially in terms of their social, political, and economic situation. As a social movement, feminism largely focuses on limiting or eradicating gender inequality and promoting women's rights, interests, and issues in society.

~so said Wikipedia~

Am I a feminist? Yeah. In some ways.

Just a few moments ago, my dad was channel surfing, and he stopped at this channel airing a show on family. It was talking about family values, with this guy, saying that families should inculcate good values in their children, because if not, then they wouldn't learn how to communicate. His extended family lives away from each other, but every week, they would come together to have dinner together.(they live in Singapore, so no 'too far' excuses I suppose) and the important thing was not the eating but the bonding. They get together to share their innermost thoughts...etc...cliche to me.

I was amused that I was pissed off by the clips shown while the man was talking in the background. First, it was the kitchen, with all the women cooking, then it showed the men sitting at the empty dining table, chatting while waiting for dinner. Then, it showed dinner time, with the 'older generation' sitting at the dining table, while the 'kids' were relagated to to another lower table. Finally, there was the after dinner scene, with everyone sitting in the hall, so call 'bonding' by talking.

Wonder what pissed me off? Huh...I couldn't believe myself when I actually said this out in front of my parents when they showed the dinnertime clip.

"Yeah, right, bonding. You see, that's why kids don't talk to their parents. Parents at one table, kids another table. And then, parents say there's generation gap. THey don't even sit together."

At the moment I said that, they aired the after dinner clip with everyone together, and my dad pointed that out. But I continued my tirade.

"Sit together only ma...see if you can find the kids talking to anyone. Typical Chinese family. Like just now, women all cooking in the kitchen, men 'goyang kaki' outside waiting for dinner. What la...Really typical Chinese family. Never learn."---and I walked away.

The second I got up, I realised that it WAS typical Chinese Culture for families to behave like that. Mine fitted in perfectly. And I knew that most of the time, deep down in everyone's heart, we all hate these kind of gatherings. Share innermost thoughts?? Hello? How is it humanely possible to share your innermost thoughts with 2 grandparents, 5 uncles, 4 aunties, 12 cousins, 2 parents, 3 siblings, and an Indonesian maid all together in the same room? Most of the time, we get together for the sake of getting together. We talk about stuff that's so cliche, it's 101% predictable. Isn't it so?

The feminist part pissed me off as well. Why is it always portrayed that women belong in the kitchen? WHy are men just incapable of helping out in the kitchen when they have other male counterparts around? Are men and women equal only when they are alone? And women, get out of the kitchen please?! You don't serve men who sit chatting idly when you work your butt off in the kitchen, only to have the men go off to watch tv right after dinner and leave the dishes to you. THAT I cannot stand.

And now, I'm wondering why am I behaving this way. Freud would probably say that some past experience left imprints in my unconscious, causing me to feel and think this way. And maybe Freud is right. The way that I've been brought up, I might have hated it. Perhaps that's why I'm feeling this way now. Something must have rubbed me off the wrong way. But I don't think I'm the only one. If I were, then there wouldn't be all these generation gap stuff. And people won't be promoting these kind of values on national tv because obviously, it doesn't work. They just don't see things a little deeper. And perhaps they never will. And later on they would wonder why kids nowadays rebel they way they do today.

Fuh. What's with the weather at JB? Is it hotter than KL because it's nearer to the equator or something?? If it is, it's only 303km nearer. Not THAT far. But it's so much HOTTER. The heat when the window is opened is like the WOOSH of heat that makes you back off when you open the door of an oven just after baking. Makes me feel sticky and sweaty all day. Even the air cond is not much help. The heat seems to have made it's way into every sofa, every cushion, every shirt, everything that comes in contact with me. Ee...that's why I've been sitting on the floor quite a lot. Butt pain though.

Next time, when I get my house, It'll be somewhere cooler. The Artic maybe, or perhaps New Zealand, or some mountain somewhere. Worse come to worst, KL. No JB weather.

Speaking of mountains, there's this show on tv right now. And the people are climbing Mount Kinabalu. My dad got so excited and made me run through all the locations that those people on tv are going through. Man...I remember all those steps...and the rocks. I can never ever ever forget them. Not in this lifetime. And the climbing at 3am in complete darkness. Seriously unforgetable. And guess what? I just got an offer to spend New Year's Day on top of that mountain. Yups. My friend from Sandakan invited me over to climb on the 1st of January. Hm...I feel like going, but I really cannot imagine going through that torture again. Haha...lets see what I decide.

OH! Third Watch just started. Blog later!

Yesterday, I was expecting some crowd at Puduraya. I mean, its balik kampung season. It was a little crowded. People queuing up to get tickets. There was this group of tourists who plonked themselves and their luggage right in the middle of the walkway. Puduraya looks so different now. I can actually see my reflection in the floor tiles.

The bus I took had a bus driver to passenger ratio of 3:5. And that's exactly how many drivers and passengers there were in the bus. I'm serious.

Anyway, after I got home, I felt...bus lag. Haha...I don't know. Just restless and tired. So I sat in front of the tv from around 4+pm all the way till 2am, getting up only to help cook dinner. The newspapers we order here don't have the Singapore channels tv programme. So, there's the anticipation of waiting to see if there's a better show up next for each of the 4 channels. And turns out that the shows were just too intriguing for me to stop watching. First it was Phua Chu Kang, then Table for 3, then CSI, then Alias, then Lost, then Taken, and finally Desperate Housewives. The O.C. was after Desperate Housewives, but...cannot tahan already la...(the tv, I mean =P)

I slept through most of today. It rained in the afternoon. Perfect condition to snooze~

Just a while ago, I watched yet another reality tv series called The Biggest Loser. 12 over weight people compete to see who losses the most weight. After watching the show, I suddenly had a change of perception: I felt thin. And I thought most of the other people look anorexic. The people on the show ranged from the 'normal' overweight to the extremely obesed. Each had the desire to lose weight...because it would help them regain back their self confidence and self esteem.

And I thought back about my 1500 word ILC paper. I remember one session when I presented the points of my essay. ( the nature vs nurture thingy, and I sided with nurture ) When I was talking about self perception of women; stuff about media influencing women to think that society only looks up to thin women, one classmate brought up a point about the rising amount of women's organisations these days and their fight to change the stereotype mindset. She said that society is changing, and women nowadays already know that it's 'OK to be fat' (And that was coming from a stick thin girl). I froze on stage for a while, and then I said, 'If that is the case, then how do you explain the rising number of slimming centres?' And luckily, my lecturer picked it up from there and agreed by telling us a story about his wife complaining about 'clothes in boutiques that can't be worn by normal women'.

Something disturbed me. You see...people regain self confidence when they achieve their desired weight, and slimming treatments do just that. People complain that those treatments only work if we maintain a healthy lifestyle. True. So? If we get fat again, just go for the treatment again. That's the normal cycle of any business isn't it? Who wants to start a business which only gets one-time customers?

Why do we keep on wanting to change the mindsets of women to think that its OK to be fat, when the bottom line is, we all want to look and feel beautiful? It's like...going against the flow of nature. We work so hard to make people accept something they don't want. If they feel happier, have more self confidence, and at the same time feel beautiful, what's the catch? WHy are we stopping people from wanting to be happy and confident with how they look? Isn't that so much better than fighting depression, fighting low self esteem, fighting discrimination, fighting health problems? 

But of course, I'm not touching the two extremes of going to the brink of anorexia or extreme obesity. That's a different case. I'm talking about the general society. Go ahead and be slim. Go ahead and be confident. Go ahead and be happy. Go ahead and be beautiful. It's what women are meant to be. 

It's that time again. The going home time. When I'm here, I don't wana go home, when I'm home, I don't wana come back here.

This morning...wah...so semangat. Planned to go to either Leisure Mall or Midvalley to find red wine for dad, and see if I can find a baju kurung or kebaya, and jalan-jalan a little. I never owned a baju kurung in my life because my mum won't let me buy one. Come to think of it, I can't remember what was the reason. Too Malay-ish? Kami bangsa Malaysia-lah... Funny thing is that she encourages me to buy a kebaya pulak (??) Anyway, I never found either one which I like.  It's kinda difficult to find those made out of...uh...cloth that doesn't need ironing...heh...

Back to the topic, I never made it out of Tamn Connaught this morning. Why?? Because the taxi won't take me to Leisure Mall (traffic jam) and I finished washing clothes too late to make the trip to Midvalley. So, I ended up at the lower level of Giant. Of course, finding red wine there is like fishing from the aeroplane-no catch.

I got bored by lunch time, so I went to feast-my ears...on some music. The music students at my college are having their practical exams, and one of my friends performed. Her slot was at 3.30, but I went earlier at 2pm to watch the others. I was amused to see groups of 3 people playing the piano at the same time. It was a 3 part piece. Never seen that before, only seen 2 part. Also heard some singing. Yor...one of the girl's singing really menusuk my tulang right down to the sum-sum tulang. She was good. I even stopped SMS-ing halfway when she started to sing. There were also some violinists; one girl played the cello; and 1 very beautiful clarinet piece. That guy was really good! It was so smooth and I just could feel that he had grasped the essence of music. Ahhhh...who am I to be saying this anyway...haha...I'm just someone who reached the Grade 8 piano standard once upon a time.

I remembered when I was learning the piano, I just hated it so much (but I always dreamt of playing the harp). That was all I knew. Well, I kinda liked scales-because I was good at it. But other than that, I just didn't understand why my parents would pay so much money for me to learn something I don't like for 7 long years. (If you are wondering why 7, not 8, I skipped Grade 7) When my dad told me that after I get my diploma, I can be a music teacher and earn lots of money, I told him, that would be the very last thing I would do. Maybe I said that coz I did not enjoy it at all. I didn't see the point of learning. But now~ Haha...I can say that part of me kinda regrets not doing just that.

I suppose this is the drawback of having a 2 sided brain. I'm inclined to both the sciences and arts. Tough. Sometimes I wish I can be a little more simple minded. Like the people who say,

"I'm lousy at math",

or "I hate science",

or "I can never pick up music".

Then a lot of decisions would be so much easier huh? That's the problem nowadays I suppose. People study what they think is good, but it's rarely what they want and what they enjoy doing. I really admire people who can stick to where their talents lie although it may be unconventional.

Aiya...lari topic again. Back to the music exams. I was SMS-ing my friend halfway through a violin recital. We were picking up from where we left yesterday-about my love life...or rather the lack of it. Haha! The whole conversation actually sent me into fits of laughter yesterday until I could hardly concentrate on Desperate Housewives.
*Hey, Cat, if you are reading this, you better not tell anyone whatever we talked about k?!
I got scolded because there's a nice cute guy (who sounds so perfect to her) and I'm not doing anything. Hahaha! Alamak...I'm going into a laughing fit again. If she only knew the whole story in my brain...~ haha...

Anyway, my dearest MUM, I know you don't read my blog (Thank God) but I just wana let you know...

No need to ask sis to intro guys to me behind my back la...~!

Yea~ I finished my finals today! Crazy ILC paper. Wrote until my hands felt like it was going into cardiac arrest. Too little time. The essay is going to kill me. I can't help it if my English sucks there and then.

Anyway, it's 9.39pm on a Tuesday night. Means that I'm sitting here right now because I don't know how else to pass my time before Joey and Desperate Housewives starts. I 'chop' the tv tonight already Announced to the whole house that I wana watch tv at 10pm.

By the way, my housemate's friends came over. They are playing mahjung downstairs. Well, that's not the point. The point is...one of them has a puppy, and he brought it over, and it's so adorable!!!!!!! Aiyoh...damn cute! So round and fat and chubby and tubby! Heh! Had fun playing with it just now Will continue later when I go down to watch tv.

Speaking of those people playing mahjung downstairs, one of them brought along Pepsi Tarik. Remember the weird cola I talked about? Yea...it's right here...in my house... Well, actually, I had a drink of it last Saturday when my sis brought me to Giant. Sample. It tastes...weird~ The sweetness of the Pepsi, and the sting of the carbon dioxide...and after you swallow it, theres a distinct but mild coffe smell that lingers up in the nose canal. It's ok la...but I won't pay for it.

And speaking of tv, I switched it on yesterday morning, and this Shop@Dapat show was on. It was the first time I saw it. Hosted by Douglas Lim and this familiar girl whose name I can't remember. Hm...the more I watch Douglas, the more I think he's a good host. He's one of those who actually don't have the word 'er...' in their vocab. And he's very witty too. He's good~

Okie...times up! Heh...I wana go down and watch tv already. Will blog later.

ABSTRACT

'I challenge you to stop whining for just half a day. I bet a diamond ring on it.'

Yups...today is spring cleaning day. ..with some 'discoveries'...

Discovery #1

I drop A LOT of hair. Everywhere.

I feel a little dumb...

I was sitting in front of the laptop, brushing my hair. (sounds dumb enough? wait..it gets better...)

My laptop lags a little, so when I click on a programme, it takes like...30 seconds for it to react and open. Sometimes, it just decides to hang altogether, and the programme won't open no matter how many times I click it.

Just now was one of the 'sometimes'.

I clicked on IE, and brushed my hair while waiting for it to open. It took a long while. In between deciding whether it's lagging or hanging (while still brushing), my roommate opened the door and walked in.

And so...

she saw me brushing my hair, staring at the screen of my laptop with a pink flowery background.

She must be thinking what a weird roommate she has...coz she left the room in less than 5 seconds.

My housemates had a steamboat dinner just now. We all ate out of two rice cookers. Haha...had fun =)

I was reading a magazine after dinner. Typical women's magazine. There were samples of perfume in the magazine. Heard of True Star by Beyonce? She now has True Star Men as well (??) Anyway, my nose is kinda picky about perfumes and stuff that smells. I rarely find scents that I really like. I happen to think that True Star is ok...don't really like it, but nothing to hate either. True Star Men was a little strong and it went right up to my brain. Yaya...it's not meant for me anyway...haha... I just noticed that afer a while...when both the scents got tangled up with each other...it actually smells...nice... oh well...maybe that's the purpose eh?

I don't know what happened to me last night. I woke up at 12+am, and studied till about 3am, woke up again at 8am and studied till about 1pm. Talk about last minute studying. I wasn't freaking out or anything, but I have to admit, I was jittery and jumpy. Tough. It's the first time I felt this way. Well...it's the first time I actually studied according to the syllabus and not wait till the last minute. I felt as if I already knew everything, but at the same time, I knew there was something missing that I could not place my finger on.

Aiyoh...the whole morning was torture. It was raining and cold outside also.

When the exam started, I realised that I needed an eraser (which I didn't bring). There were MCQ's and instead of writing the answer in the answer booklet, we were provided  with the MCQ answer sheet to shade the correct choice. And so begin the nightmare. I didn't shade the answers that I wasn't 100% sure of till the last minute. After going through the MCQ questions for the first round, I happened to glance at the MCQ answer sheet. At the top, there was a sentence which said,

Please make sure the answer is shaded correspond to your quesiton number!

?? Aiyoyo...

The MCQ was ok...but kinda tough too. There was a simple question, but the answer made my brain do a double take.
Question: What is the difference between a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist?